**UGH**

I dont' normally bear my soul on this blog.  I keep it for lighthearted, fun memory making moments. 

Not tonight. I have never been so frustrated!  I had an absolute meltdown tonight. 

So here I am.  Laying it all out.

I have lost 44.4 pounds since I started my weight loss journey in October.  *Yea!*  BUT I have only dropped 2 pant sizes .  It's been pretty upsetting since most people say that a 10 pound loss equates to a size.  NOT FOR ME!  I guess my body type (the unfortunate "apple" type) is more on the 20 pound to a size ratio. 

The more I got to thinking about this, the more I got to thinking...I haven't measured myself in about two months so I'll do that and see what my results are.  BAD IDEA!  I've lost everywhere EXCEPT my waist!  I measured the exact same as 2 months ago! Talk about devastating!  And heartbreaking! 

I was crying as feeling of rage, resentment, jealousy, and frustration totally took over my emotions.  I wanted to throw my hands up and scream!  Rage and frustration over the fact that I have followed the weight watcher plan and have been working out at least 4, 5, sometimes 6 times a week!  Working until I sweat...no less than that!  Jealous of all the "pear" shaped women in my life that I'm surrounded by daily..who can lose as little as 5 pounds and the world sees them "skinny" in spite of the big butt, belly, and thighs they carry around hidden under clothes since manufactures cater to the pear shape.  UGH! 

Poor Brian, had no idea what to say.  Not that it would matter.  This is MY issue.  MY battle. 

I WILL continue to fight! I will NOT give up!  Brian came to my side and hugged me...that was all I needed.  Just knowing that he knows how I feel and supports me no matter what.  It doesn't make it easier, but it does make it a bit more bearable. 

Tomorrow I will weigh in and forge ahead.  This is just another reminder, this journey is not only about diet and exercise but it's also about dealing with deep rooted emotions that seem to come to surface every once in awhile. 

Tomorrow is a new day...